I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
