i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
ok first of all what the fuck
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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