If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
