I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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