Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
