I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
