Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
