Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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