Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
