I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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