i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
