I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
