My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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