I think my fart just growled at me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
