i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
