Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
