When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
