whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
