dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
