i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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