ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
