I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
