Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
