I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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