I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
