did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
