hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize