I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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