I cockslap morals
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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