my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
