You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
