They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
