As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
