so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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