I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
