singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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