he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
