i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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