i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
