Don't you send me to vm
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want her autograph on my taint
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
