he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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