the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the condom got lost in my hair
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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