I just saw a hot homeless man
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
