Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
