this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
