put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
