Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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