the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
