One blow job doesn not make me gay.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
