Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
