3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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