help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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