I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
