Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
