I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
