I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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