I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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