So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
