what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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