Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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