I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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