Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The Olympian is in my bed
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