I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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