mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize