I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
