I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think i got beer on your cat.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
