What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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