Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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