Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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