i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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