yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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