true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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