There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize