I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
