I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
