Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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